Random thoughts

This post is pretty much random stuff sorry to any readers who want to "listen" to me ramble

Week of christmas and work is crazy!!! I got there at 6:50 something this morning. And we opened at 7. Had to have our daily meeting while I chugged liquid energy in a cup. Then I got to hear all the

to do lists

. Seriously Um Gonna call him K for short here. Um its Christmas week. I don't know how you expect 2+ pages of notes to get done today and everything but... ok ok I never said this but I defiantly wanted to. I don't know what he was thinking. So I managed to get 1 thing.... one stinking thing done on that list before we got SLAMMED!!! Im talking 8 hours of none stop lines and I worked maybe 9, or 10 hours and didn't even have time for a break. It was INSANE! Glad I'm off tomorrow.

Now how am I supposed to fix things with my ex who I want back...I think. I mean he makes a wonderful boyfriend and he was a natural at the whole Dom/sub thing. I pushed a lot to hard and got my nose cut off in spite my face so he ended it, I do have the opportunity to fix what I did and work on rebuilding trust I demolished. Honestly without boring details I can say our relationship had huge break down in communication and we both realized this.So we are basically starting from the ground and building up. Now the next part adds another huge hurdle. Long distance. Try 4 or 5 hours distance. Only he has a car right now because mine was totaled and I don't have the money for a new one. So now your filled in on that.

Why do I say I think I want him back. Well because I question sometimes whether this is worth it in the end or am I going to end up hurt. I think one of the leads at work likes me. I don't know if its just for sex or if its like a relationship. Plus I get all embarrassed when I try to explain that I want the Dom/Sub stuff. Its so silly. But I cant come out and just say it. 'Ya know!?!?! I get to play that waiting game now which I hate. I swear Im annoying my ex by being like well are things better yet? Am I doing things right yet? ect. He says Im not which in itself is a relieve but I just want to know whats going on in his head. *sigh* Its kinda funny how I still in my head go by the rules we had in our relationship. Like there a comfort zone and I don't want to leave them. I know I get annoyed when one of my parents asks me to check in ( I currently am living at home due to financial trouble) but I think to myself " Your not the one I'm supposed to be answering to"

I really miss my sub self and my Dom.
So hopefully things fix themselves soon or things become clear on what to do.