Monday, March 21, 2011

glimmer of hope....

After lots of tears it seems from that last post where I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours in the dark, and wrote that post. Things seem to have gotten slightly better. I'm scared to jump in and say that because I feel like every time I do we end up back at square one. So with baited breathe right now things are better. He has been taking his dom role what seems to be more serious. Even spending more time with me, or at least making an effort. Now if I could just get his work to back off a little life would be good. Prayers would be appreciative so he wouldn't have to go back to working the desk and his schedule would be the same everyday. Pray they keep him in the production shop.

So we have been communicating our needs toward eachother a lot better and I can see a huge change. When I said he is taking his dom role more seriously I truly ment it. Today for instance. I can admit to being a brat and frustrated this weekend ( we were supposed to go car shopping but they called him into work) I seriously can not wait to get a new car. Having one car is beginning to get old. However he can't tell the navy no so I got stuck at home while he worked. Just was very disappointed. Then yesterday i just had an attitude i couldn't shake which seemed to continue into today. I was again frustrated that he has to work this up coming weekend as well. So when I get frustrated I pinch or hit. So I went at it. He stopped me numerous times and finally said do it again and its 20 with the bathbrush. I of course took the dare and next thing I knew I got flipped over and got some nice wacks with the bathbrush over my jeans. I wish I would have stopped there. I got up more pissed off and stormed out of the room. He followed me and was talking and I took one huge swing at his Arm, which of course landed me more swats and I just kept pushing till he had added up 75 by the time I got home. Now 75 is a lot for me to take with that thing while trying to remain still. So I ran to him sorta pouting and he was " sorry but I earned them" so he gave them to me quick before work. My ass still hurts but I do feel like my attitude is a lot better. Now I just want cuddles :(