prayers requested

I know I haven't posted in forever. Good reasons. Lots of crazy stuff happening. we need prayer. I hope to have stuff and good news to update you later

in a funk

Lately I have been in a such a funk. Everything makes me wanna cry or throw something cause I'm angry. It's to early for my period so it can't be pms. I don't know what's wrong or how to fix it. I mean even hard spankings arnt working. I feel like I'm just gonna ask him to spank me past my limits tonight before he goes to work. I seriously need it. Ugh I just wanna be my happy pleasant self again

glimmer of hope....

After lots of tears it seems from that last post where I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours in the dark, and wrote that post. Things seem to have gotten slightly better. I'm scared to jump in and say that because I feel like every time I do we end up back at square one. So with baited breathe right now things are better. He has been taking his dom role what seems to be more serious. Even spending more time with me, or at least making an effort. Now if I could just get his work to back off a little life would be good. Prayers would be appreciative so he wouldn't have to go back to working the desk and his schedule would be the same everyday. Pray they keep him in the production shop.


So we have been communicating our needs toward eachother a lot better and I can see a huge change. When I said he is taking his dom role more seriously I truly ment it. Today for instance. I can admit to being a brat and frustrated this weekend ( we were supposed to go car shopping but they called him into work) I seriously can not wait to get a new car. Having one car is beginning to get old. However he can't tell the navy no so I got stuck at home while he worked. Just was very disappointed. Then yesterday i just had an attitude i couldn't shake which seemed to continue into today. I was again frustrated that he has to work this up coming weekend as well. So when I get frustrated I pinch or hit. So I went at it. He stopped me numerous times and finally said do it again and its 20 with the bathbrush. I of course took the dare and next thing I knew I got flipped over and got some nice wacks with the bathbrush over my jeans. I wish I would have stopped there. I got up more pissed off and stormed out of the room. He followed me and was talking and I took one huge swing at his Arm, which of course landed me more swats and I just kept pushing till he had added up 75 by the time I got home. Now 75 is a lot for me to take with that thing while trying to remain still. So I ran to him sorta pouting and he was " sorry but I earned them" so he gave them to me quick before work. My ass still hurts but I do feel like my attitude is a lot better. Now I just want cuddles :(

wish you understood

(Letter to my husband that he will never read)

I wish you understood that I'm hurt that you spend 90% of your free time playing video games
I wish you understood that your my best friend
I wish you understood that making friends is hard for me when I know I'm gonna turn around and leave eventually
I wish you understood that I need to go home. It's what makes me keep my sanity
I wish you understood that I feel like your shutting me out
I wish you understood that I need to be held and resured
I wish you understood that I feel like our marriage is falling apart
I wish you understand that I need beat more
I wish you understand that the reason I act up/ out is its the only way I get attention
I wish you understand that when I try to explain any of this to you, you saying dork means to me you don't care
I wish you would understand that I love you
I wish you would just understand that I want sex and need sex and not having sex can't be healthy.
I wish you could understand the restraint I'm using from walking out and just leaving for the weekend.
I wish you understood the restraint I'm using from not throwing the computer monitor out the window and ripping the internet out of the wall.
I wish you would seriously sit down and talk to me about this. It isn't my job to fix I told you what was wrong now please come up with a solution
I wish you understood I'm sick of being the only one trying

I dont normally do this but....

This is something coming up that I dread. My husband deploying, It may not happen for another year but I still cry thinking about it and cant wait till he comes home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkGzqpGx1KU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSTKoKjJ5XA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkGzqpGx1KU

I cry every time cause its something I know my kids and I will have to go through

unexpected weekend fun.

This weekends was a flipping blast. Spent Saturday shopping around the mall and IKEA with my husband. Bought him a new desk for the office and rearranged the furniture in there so I could spend more time with him. So now I have my own desk and chair and a twin sized bed to hang out on the office so I can be chilling in there with him.

Sunday I surprised him by inviting one of his old play partners down for dinner and drinks. A few shots and some liquid courage and permissions from her Master we both got beat. Then I got a lesson in spanking her. And gave her some pretty marks. Then out came the vibrators. She got all the fun. At least six orgasms. If I wasn't broken I would have been thrilled and gotten some too. It was a very hot scene taking place on my living room floor. I defiantly enjoyed dominating another girl. My husband seemed to enjoy watching it and encouraging it. Hope we get to do it again soon. Look for pictures on either mine or my husbands fetlife accounts.

My fetlife user name is: ditzilittlegirl89 and you can access his from mine.

fuck fuck fuck

There will be a lot of cursing in this post so beware. That being said.




I FUCKING HATE THE NAVY!!!! I HATE THAT THEY CAN'T MAKE UP THERE GOD DAMN MINDS AND FUCKING KEEP CHANGING THINGS AROUND WHEN THEY WANT TO NOT BEING CONSIDERATE OF THE PEOPLE THEY ARE IN COMMAND OF AND THEIR FAMILIES. JUST CAUSE IT WONT AFFECT THEM IT'S OK TO FUCK WITH THE YOUNGER GUYS. PROMISING THEM ONE THING THEN DOING THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE. GO FUCK YOURSELF AND JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. MY HUSBAND HAS SERVED HIS TIME ON THE DESK AND TO FINALLY BE REWARDED WITH WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NORMAL SCHEDULE. A TWELVE HOUR SHIFT EVERYDAY AND THEN INCREASING THE WORK LOAD ISN'T A NORMAL SCHEDULE. HE WONT EVER BE HOME. I WAS FINALLY GONNA HAVE TIME TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP BOTH NORMAL AND KINK. FUCK YOU YOU BASTARDS. WHY NOT JUST SHIP HIM OFF EARLY AND KEEP HIM. YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T CARE THAT IT'S EFFECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP. AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY THE DIVORCE RATE IN THE MILITARY IS HIGH. YOU DON'T GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE TO GET SETTLED. WELL MR NAVY OFFICER I HOPE YOU GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE. FUCK YOU!!!

sunshine makes my world go round

So its 50 or 60 degrees of pure sunny warmness outside. I'm in love and enjoying the sunshine as much as possible, cause with my luck it will snow next week. Anyway I went and got two pairs of shorts today. Ahhh sun. Makes life so much better. Now that drew is biking the 8 miles to work in this weather it seems to put us both in great moods. His new schedule started this week. It seems to be working out well. He gets home plays video games till I get home and then spends a few hours with me before I crash and go to bed. Although last night I went to bed almost as soon as I walked in the door. I had a killer migrane.

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. It had to be pushed back a few months cause of his parents not being able to make it out that week. His dad almost refused to come which pissed me off. I mean he didn't obviously come to our court house wedding. We are half doing this for them. Either way he can't complain we don't have the money cause its my trust fund I'm using to pay for it. Luckily he changed his mind. So I'm looking at having a beautiful fall wedding at a vineyard. Fingers crossed they have a weekend available.

weddings & kink

Life in the last few weeks has taken some amazing turns of events and I hope by speaking about them it doesn't mess them up. Even though Drew and I are already married. I am in the process of planning our wedding which is extremely exciting! I seriously love weddings and to actually get to plan mine finally is extremely exciting. It won't be the lavish affair I had once hoped for however its gonna be one kick ass party.*fingers crossed.* I plan to do a lot of the stuff myself, like make my own veil, do all the flowers myself, all the center pieces myself. Trying to cut cost as much as possible. I'm going dress shopping soon with my sister who is a bridesmaid and my best friend/ maid of honor along with my mom which has me pretty excited.
Talked to drew last night about our kink level and how it felt very blah and ordinary. We seem to live a very vinalla lifestyle and its not something we can necessarly help. I mean fingers crossed he gets taken off the desk at work and he will get a basic nine to five job. Even in the military those seem hard to come by. Fingers crossed. This would mean we actually could go to sleep together every night. And there wouldn't be the two weeks I barely see him a month. Hopefully it would aid in our kink getting back on track!!! I do love him just miss the kinky us

sitting in the Er

Well I'm bored sitting in the military ER cause Andrew is sick, I don't mean cold sick, I mean flu sick. So I thought I do an update from my phone so we shall see how this goes.
I'm really frustrated, because there is nothing going on with Drew as far as dom sub stuff or even sex. I haven't had sex in weeks. Anyone else have this problem? Anyone have a solution?
Let's see I saw Dave on Fri and got a nice spanking/ beating. I has pretty bruises!! I'll upload a picture tonight. He was supposed to come down today but couldn't make it. Which ended being a good thing. I do miss him and wish we could spend more time together cause we just click really well. And I love when he calls me baby and stuff like that. Anytime I get a txt from him or a call. My face defiantly lights up.:)
I haven't seen mike and since I can't see him nothing much more going on there. I do miss him. I defiantly have a very strong Dom/sub relationship with him. I just feel really connected to him. And not seeing him makes me miss him all the more. Hopefully ill see him soon. Well that's it for now. I'm sitting in the hospital room with my husband

Playing catch up

Well since I suck at posting... and its a new year I shall attempt at posting

We recently returned to the east coast since being in Washington state for two weeks to visit his family and friends. I used all my vacation days and he used all his leave time up. It was beautiful. I am in love with that place as much as I am my home town. It really has become a second home to me and I really pray we get stationed there in 18 months. 18 months isnt long yet seems so far away.

On the kink front!

• I still see Dave regularly and he makes me smile like crazy. Get a text from him and its instant smiles. I have pictures on fetlife of our last session which took me two weeks to heal from. I couldnt ask for a better second dom or play partner
  

• My husband and I are slowly working on our DD relationship. It hasn't taken off much as I expected. I do love him with all my heart. I never thought I would fall this in love with someone. He is my world. We have our ups and downs but I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else. I loves him
• I also have started seeing Mike. He is a great disciplinarian. Just wish I could see him more often. Our work schedules don't really allow for it.

Not much really going on besides that. I need to get to unpacking and undecorating now. I hope to be posting a lot more now