Miss me ?

Im not dead. Just been busy. Working and such. Trying to figure my life out. Feel like its one step forward 2 steps back.

Annoyed

Im annoyed. I wont lie. This weeks been rough one. I'll cough up a lot to hormones. Will he except that as an excuse, doubt it. We are gonna try and do a week review post tomorrow but this post is to get some frustrations out.

My parents seem to be on my case about everything. Driving me up the wall, that is if I don't bang my head into the wall first. For serious, I'm nearly 21. I can handle it. Just get out of my business.

Things with Mike are good. I get frustrated with myself mostly. I try and be good and still end up fucking something up EVERY DAMN TIME! Attitude freaking gets the best of me. I feel like he isn't understanding my side of anything. He is stressing over midterms. I apparently argue ever subject. I understand schools important. I guess I feel pushed to the side. Im frustrated as hell. I got so much mounting up. Lines to do, spankings to get. I want it over. I want a clean slate. Which I feel like I will never get. It keeps getting pushed back.

We finally had one good fight. That felt good I felt better after. But I feel another one mounting up and its hard to fight when HE wont fight back. Which in turn, frustrates me. I don't know how to feel better. I cant exactly talk to him about it because he will just tell me to shush. PLUS I don't want to add to his stress level. Guess I'll lay low and not really talk to him till Wednesday.

Same old same old *sigh*

"This week you have been fairly mouthy your attitude was improving but then it seemed as if you got comfortable and started pushing limits again thinking that you were allowed to get away with things when you knew before hand that you werent, such as going to bed when you are told to. i hope that your mouth and attitude improves to avoide any punishments you will undoubtly earn as a result."

I know this post is late... well technically its kinda early cause its this weeks post. Either way Id like to note that last week was a good week. No trouble whatsoever. I was way to lazy to post about it for some reason. So now I had to post early because I didn't want you all to think I died, and because I was told to. Help this blog has been kidnapped.

Nothing much has happened. I been working. Went shopping and am broke again. Umm his post sums everything up. I kinda get in this comfort zone where I guess im to comfortable with him,act as his equal not his sub. Which Im working on remembering

Tantrums get you know where.

"You had a major incident this week, more then i have seen from you before. You started the week off better because you were already in trouble but then you informed me about how irresponsible you had been not paying your cell phone bill. Then when you were informed you would be in trouble you gave me push back but eventually accepted it, however, when the punishment was told to you, you mocked it and then as I ramped it up since you thought little of it you continued to argue and negotiate and then after that threw a full blown tantrum like a little girl and pouted and whined which is not acceptable and you know it so that is why you are in more trouble this week on top of what you were already in trouble for." ~ Mike

Bad week! More crappy snow, leaving me locked in the house with my mother, sister, and brothers, My mothers best friend, her three kids, and my 13 year old brothers best friend. Which equaled a really full loud house. Lots of shoveling and me doing incredibly dumb stuff... i.e. jumping off my 15- 20 foot high deck into the 50 plus inches of snow.

Am I happy about this weeks behavior review, absolutely not! Im really embarrassed. Im embarrassed at how I literally lowered myself to acting like a 5 year old who didn't get their way. Hmmm maybe because I didn't get my way. I was however honest which he forgot to mention and told him my phone got turned off. He failed to mention the HONESTY portion. I did get them to turn it back on though. He forgot to mention that too.

I was bad and was 2 months behind on my bill. I really thought I was only one month. SWEAR. But it does explain why it was 235 $. So we agreed we would discuss it before going to bed that night and come up with a suitable punishment. Not like I wanted to add on but seriously I knew arguing wasn't getting me anywhere. He wasn't even mad at me. Just disappointed.

So when the time came to talk about it. I was good with the punishment, which happened to be 100 lines saying I'd pay my bills or get spanked. 'Cept in all honesty I thought it was the dumbest punishment ever. I very vocally let him know this, which quickly doubled the punishment. I then went into full panic mode. I flipped. I did everything short of kicking and screaming and had he been in a hearing range I probably would have. I lied I defiantly through something in my room. I was defiant told him directly No I wasn't doing 100 let alone 200. Attitude quickly became present and he told me I probably should go to bed, to which I responded to maybe I would and didn't need his permission to go to bed. I slammed my computer shut. I would like to make note. He remained so calm during my temper tantrum. He never once yelled or anything. I fully expected to get a txt saying we would talk about it in the morning. Nope not a thing.

I woke up the next morning still mad. Wasn't going to say anything to him, wasn't going to apologize until someone else showed me the errors of my way. Thanks Sephani. He txted later and all I could do was say sorry. He said we would be having a long discussion later about my behavior. Which ended up being a 20 min. discussion on how he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. How I embarrassed myself with my tantrum. I didn't say a word. It wasn't my place. My place was to listen and only answer with Yes Sir/No Sir, when I was asked a direct question.I defiantly wasn't about to step out of line.

Since my punishment I still haven't served was for being rude and disrespectful and I repeated that offense again two fold he would just add to that punishment. So now I have those 100 lines I argued about, a more severe spanking, longer corner time. Both sets of lines are due friday when I see him. The spanking and corner will happen at a later time.

Not looking forward to any of this.

I WINNED !!!!

SAINTS WIN!!!!!!!

THEY CRUSHED THE COLTS!!! 3o fucking 1 to 17!!!!

THEY WON!!!! I WON!!!!!!

Seriously though I won the bet with Mike. I called it weeks ago! I WON!! Little me won. Its amazing. He is sulking and pouting because HEEEEEE lost.

Now his butt gets to pay up for once. Thats right I get to spank him!!! When it happens it will def. be a tale to tell.

Luv ya baby <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Guess who is 25 today?.......... not me! Im not old yet. Im still and always will be the baby. :)

Happy birthday Babes!!

Last Straw

"You started off by having a good week you were nice and were making sure to be responsible as well as obeying our rules. However, as the week progressed your attitude started getting the best of you, I asked you to stop you continued to give more attitude back even going as far as being disrespectful to me by saying some pretty nasty thing and it was then that I had finally had enough and decided that you just could not stop and needed to be punished for you attitude and disrespect."

I really messed up this week. I disappointed him, I think I even made him mad to a point. I seriously am mad at myself as well for getting in trouble. I was already in trouble to a degree with my language. It was a really busy day at work and I was getting mad and frustrated. Every time the phone rang I wanted to slam it down. Hard to answer phones and deal with frustrated rushing customers. And everyone of them flocked to the register at once. There like chickens. So by the time I was done ringing I was already short fuse about to blow. He said something just teasing and I blew. Attitude kicked in instantly. Which he told me to cut it out and I defiantly responded with no and to go die. Somewhere else I threw in there that I hated him. I really don't I swear. Baby I don't hate you!!! It was bad enough he had to tell me to apologize and normally I'm pretty good about knowing when I crossed the line. I guess thursday night my attitude was so bad I didn't want to admit it or even say sorry. I mean I did to avoid trouble, which I found out when I got home I couldn't avoid. Cause as soon as I was home I was sentenced. Sentence is 100 lines reading "I will not be disrespectful or I will be punished." & a hand spanking on the bare until he thinks its enough and Im sorry. Plus I need to still serve my cursing sentence. In good news though I did my lines last night because I was bored and going stir crazy. So 2 left. Not looking for the last two at all and I just want them over with. Now if the weather would corporate I could get them over with.