wish you understood

(Letter to my husband that he will never read)

I wish you understood that I'm hurt that you spend 90% of your free time playing video games
I wish you understood that your my best friend
I wish you understood that making friends is hard for me when I know I'm gonna turn around and leave eventually
I wish you understood that I need to go home. It's what makes me keep my sanity
I wish you understood that I feel like your shutting me out
I wish you understood that I need to be held and resured
I wish you understood that I feel like our marriage is falling apart
I wish you understand that I need beat more
I wish you understand that the reason I act up/ out is its the only way I get attention
I wish you understand that when I try to explain any of this to you, you saying dork means to me you don't care
I wish you would understand that I love you
I wish you would just understand that I want sex and need sex and not having sex can't be healthy.
I wish you could understand the restraint I'm using from walking out and just leaving for the weekend.
I wish you understood the restraint I'm using from not throwing the computer monitor out the window and ripping the internet out of the wall.
I wish you would seriously sit down and talk to me about this. It isn't my job to fix I told you what was wrong now please come up with a solution
I wish you understood I'm sick of being the only one trying

I dont normally do this but....

This is something coming up that I dread. My husband deploying, It may not happen for another year but I still cry thinking about it and cant wait till he comes home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkGzqpGx1KU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSTKoKjJ5XA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkGzqpGx1KU

I cry every time cause its something I know my kids and I will have to go through

unexpected weekend fun.

This weekends was a flipping blast. Spent Saturday shopping around the mall and IKEA with my husband. Bought him a new desk for the office and rearranged the furniture in there so I could spend more time with him. So now I have my own desk and chair and a twin sized bed to hang out on the office so I can be chilling in there with him.

Sunday I surprised him by inviting one of his old play partners down for dinner and drinks. A few shots and some liquid courage and permissions from her Master we both got beat. Then I got a lesson in spanking her. And gave her some pretty marks. Then out came the vibrators. She got all the fun. At least six orgasms. If I wasn't broken I would have been thrilled and gotten some too. It was a very hot scene taking place on my living room floor. I defiantly enjoyed dominating another girl. My husband seemed to enjoy watching it and encouraging it. Hope we get to do it again soon. Look for pictures on either mine or my husbands fetlife accounts.

My fetlife user name is: ditzilittlegirl89 and you can access his from mine.

fuck fuck fuck

There will be a lot of cursing in this post so beware. That being said.




I FUCKING HATE THE NAVY!!!! I HATE THAT THEY CAN'T MAKE UP THERE GOD DAMN MINDS AND FUCKING KEEP CHANGING THINGS AROUND WHEN THEY WANT TO NOT BEING CONSIDERATE OF THE PEOPLE THEY ARE IN COMMAND OF AND THEIR FAMILIES. JUST CAUSE IT WONT AFFECT THEM IT'S OK TO FUCK WITH THE YOUNGER GUYS. PROMISING THEM ONE THING THEN DOING THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE. GO FUCK YOURSELF AND JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. MY HUSBAND HAS SERVED HIS TIME ON THE DESK AND TO FINALLY BE REWARDED WITH WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NORMAL SCHEDULE. A TWELVE HOUR SHIFT EVERYDAY AND THEN INCREASING THE WORK LOAD ISN'T A NORMAL SCHEDULE. HE WONT EVER BE HOME. I WAS FINALLY GONNA HAVE TIME TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP BOTH NORMAL AND KINK. FUCK YOU YOU BASTARDS. WHY NOT JUST SHIP HIM OFF EARLY AND KEEP HIM. YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T CARE THAT IT'S EFFECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP. AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY THE DIVORCE RATE IN THE MILITARY IS HIGH. YOU DON'T GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE TO GET SETTLED. WELL MR NAVY OFFICER I HOPE YOU GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE. FUCK YOU!!!

sunshine makes my world go round

So its 50 or 60 degrees of pure sunny warmness outside. I'm in love and enjoying the sunshine as much as possible, cause with my luck it will snow next week. Anyway I went and got two pairs of shorts today. Ahhh sun. Makes life so much better. Now that drew is biking the 8 miles to work in this weather it seems to put us both in great moods. His new schedule started this week. It seems to be working out well. He gets home plays video games till I get home and then spends a few hours with me before I crash and go to bed. Although last night I went to bed almost as soon as I walked in the door. I had a killer migrane.

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. It had to be pushed back a few months cause of his parents not being able to make it out that week. His dad almost refused to come which pissed me off. I mean he didn't obviously come to our court house wedding. We are half doing this for them. Either way he can't complain we don't have the money cause its my trust fund I'm using to pay for it. Luckily he changed his mind. So I'm looking at having a beautiful fall wedding at a vineyard. Fingers crossed they have a weekend available.