prayers requested

I know I haven't posted in forever. Good reasons. Lots of crazy stuff happening. we need prayer. I hope to have stuff and good news to update you later

in a funk

Lately I have been in a such a funk. Everything makes me wanna cry or throw something cause I'm angry. It's to early for my period so it can't be pms. I don't know what's wrong or how to fix it. I mean even hard spankings arnt working. I feel like I'm just gonna ask him to spank me past my limits tonight before he goes to work. I seriously need it. Ugh I just wanna be my happy pleasant self again

glimmer of hope....

After lots of tears it seems from that last post where I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours in the dark, and wrote that post. Things seem to have gotten slightly better. I'm scared to jump in and say that because I feel like every time I do we end up back at square one. So with baited breathe right now things are better. He has been taking his dom role what seems to be more serious. Even spending more time with me, or at least making an effort. Now if I could just get his work to back off a little life would be good. Prayers would be appreciative so he wouldn't have to go back to working the desk and his schedule would be the same everyday. Pray they keep him in the production shop.


So we have been communicating our needs toward eachother a lot better and I can see a huge change. When I said he is taking his dom role more seriously I truly ment it. Today for instance. I can admit to being a brat and frustrated this weekend ( we were supposed to go car shopping but they called him into work) I seriously can not wait to get a new car. Having one car is beginning to get old. However he can't tell the navy no so I got stuck at home while he worked. Just was very disappointed. Then yesterday i just had an attitude i couldn't shake which seemed to continue into today. I was again frustrated that he has to work this up coming weekend as well. So when I get frustrated I pinch or hit. So I went at it. He stopped me numerous times and finally said do it again and its 20 with the bathbrush. I of course took the dare and next thing I knew I got flipped over and got some nice wacks with the bathbrush over my jeans. I wish I would have stopped there. I got up more pissed off and stormed out of the room. He followed me and was talking and I took one huge swing at his Arm, which of course landed me more swats and I just kept pushing till he had added up 75 by the time I got home. Now 75 is a lot for me to take with that thing while trying to remain still. So I ran to him sorta pouting and he was " sorry but I earned them" so he gave them to me quick before work. My ass still hurts but I do feel like my attitude is a lot better. Now I just want cuddles :(

wish you understood

(Letter to my husband that he will never read)

I wish you understood that I'm hurt that you spend 90% of your free time playing video games
I wish you understood that your my best friend
I wish you understood that making friends is hard for me when I know I'm gonna turn around and leave eventually
I wish you understood that I need to go home. It's what makes me keep my sanity
I wish you understood that I feel like your shutting me out
I wish you understood that I need to be held and resured
I wish you understood that I feel like our marriage is falling apart
I wish you understand that I need beat more
I wish you understand that the reason I act up/ out is its the only way I get attention
I wish you understand that when I try to explain any of this to you, you saying dork means to me you don't care
I wish you would understand that I love you
I wish you would just understand that I want sex and need sex and not having sex can't be healthy.
I wish you could understand the restraint I'm using from walking out and just leaving for the weekend.
I wish you understood the restraint I'm using from not throwing the computer monitor out the window and ripping the internet out of the wall.
I wish you would seriously sit down and talk to me about this. It isn't my job to fix I told you what was wrong now please come up with a solution
I wish you understood I'm sick of being the only one trying

I dont normally do this but....

This is something coming up that I dread. My husband deploying, It may not happen for another year but I still cry thinking about it and cant wait till he comes home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkGzqpGx1KU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSTKoKjJ5XA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkGzqpGx1KU

I cry every time cause its something I know my kids and I will have to go through

unexpected weekend fun.

This weekends was a flipping blast. Spent Saturday shopping around the mall and IKEA with my husband. Bought him a new desk for the office and rearranged the furniture in there so I could spend more time with him. So now I have my own desk and chair and a twin sized bed to hang out on the office so I can be chilling in there with him.

Sunday I surprised him by inviting one of his old play partners down for dinner and drinks. A few shots and some liquid courage and permissions from her Master we both got beat. Then I got a lesson in spanking her. And gave her some pretty marks. Then out came the vibrators. She got all the fun. At least six orgasms. If I wasn't broken I would have been thrilled and gotten some too. It was a very hot scene taking place on my living room floor. I defiantly enjoyed dominating another girl. My husband seemed to enjoy watching it and encouraging it. Hope we get to do it again soon. Look for pictures on either mine or my husbands fetlife accounts.

My fetlife user name is: ditzilittlegirl89 and you can access his from mine.

fuck fuck fuck

There will be a lot of cursing in this post so beware. That being said.




I FUCKING HATE THE NAVY!!!! I HATE THAT THEY CAN'T MAKE UP THERE GOD DAMN MINDS AND FUCKING KEEP CHANGING THINGS AROUND WHEN THEY WANT TO NOT BEING CONSIDERATE OF THE PEOPLE THEY ARE IN COMMAND OF AND THEIR FAMILIES. JUST CAUSE IT WONT AFFECT THEM IT'S OK TO FUCK WITH THE YOUNGER GUYS. PROMISING THEM ONE THING THEN DOING THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE. GO FUCK YOURSELF AND JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. MY HUSBAND HAS SERVED HIS TIME ON THE DESK AND TO FINALLY BE REWARDED WITH WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NORMAL SCHEDULE. A TWELVE HOUR SHIFT EVERYDAY AND THEN INCREASING THE WORK LOAD ISN'T A NORMAL SCHEDULE. HE WONT EVER BE HOME. I WAS FINALLY GONNA HAVE TIME TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP BOTH NORMAL AND KINK. FUCK YOU YOU BASTARDS. WHY NOT JUST SHIP HIM OFF EARLY AND KEEP HIM. YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T CARE THAT IT'S EFFECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP. AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY THE DIVORCE RATE IN THE MILITARY IS HIGH. YOU DON'T GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE TO GET SETTLED. WELL MR NAVY OFFICER I HOPE YOU GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE. FUCK YOU!!!

sunshine makes my world go round

So its 50 or 60 degrees of pure sunny warmness outside. I'm in love and enjoying the sunshine as much as possible, cause with my luck it will snow next week. Anyway I went and got two pairs of shorts today. Ahhh sun. Makes life so much better. Now that drew is biking the 8 miles to work in this weather it seems to put us both in great moods. His new schedule started this week. It seems to be working out well. He gets home plays video games till I get home and then spends a few hours with me before I crash and go to bed. Although last night I went to bed almost as soon as I walked in the door. I had a killer migrane.

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. It had to be pushed back a few months cause of his parents not being able to make it out that week. His dad almost refused to come which pissed me off. I mean he didn't obviously come to our court house wedding. We are half doing this for them. Either way he can't complain we don't have the money cause its my trust fund I'm using to pay for it. Luckily he changed his mind. So I'm looking at having a beautiful fall wedding at a vineyard. Fingers crossed they have a weekend available.

weddings & kink

Life in the last few weeks has taken some amazing turns of events and I hope by speaking about them it doesn't mess them up. Even though Drew and I are already married. I am in the process of planning our wedding which is extremely exciting! I seriously love weddings and to actually get to plan mine finally is extremely exciting. It won't be the lavish affair I had once hoped for however its gonna be one kick ass party.*fingers crossed.* I plan to do a lot of the stuff myself, like make my own veil, do all the flowers myself, all the center pieces myself. Trying to cut cost as much as possible. I'm going dress shopping soon with my sister who is a bridesmaid and my best friend/ maid of honor along with my mom which has me pretty excited.
Talked to drew last night about our kink level and how it felt very blah and ordinary. We seem to live a very vinalla lifestyle and its not something we can necessarly help. I mean fingers crossed he gets taken off the desk at work and he will get a basic nine to five job. Even in the military those seem hard to come by. Fingers crossed. This would mean we actually could go to sleep together every night. And there wouldn't be the two weeks I barely see him a month. Hopefully it would aid in our kink getting back on track!!! I do love him just miss the kinky us

sitting in the Er

Well I'm bored sitting in the military ER cause Andrew is sick, I don't mean cold sick, I mean flu sick. So I thought I do an update from my phone so we shall see how this goes.
I'm really frustrated, because there is nothing going on with Drew as far as dom sub stuff or even sex. I haven't had sex in weeks. Anyone else have this problem? Anyone have a solution?
Let's see I saw Dave on Fri and got a nice spanking/ beating. I has pretty bruises!! I'll upload a picture tonight. He was supposed to come down today but couldn't make it. Which ended being a good thing. I do miss him and wish we could spend more time together cause we just click really well. And I love when he calls me baby and stuff like that. Anytime I get a txt from him or a call. My face defiantly lights up.:)
I haven't seen mike and since I can't see him nothing much more going on there. I do miss him. I defiantly have a very strong Dom/sub relationship with him. I just feel really connected to him. And not seeing him makes me miss him all the more. Hopefully ill see him soon. Well that's it for now. I'm sitting in the hospital room with my husband

Playing catch up

Well since I suck at posting... and its a new year I shall attempt at posting

We recently returned to the east coast since being in Washington state for two weeks to visit his family and friends. I used all my vacation days and he used all his leave time up. It was beautiful. I am in love with that place as much as I am my home town. It really has become a second home to me and I really pray we get stationed there in 18 months. 18 months isnt long yet seems so far away.

On the kink front!

• I still see Dave regularly and he makes me smile like crazy. Get a text from him and its instant smiles. I have pictures on fetlife of our last session which took me two weeks to heal from. I couldnt ask for a better second dom or play partner
  

• My husband and I are slowly working on our DD relationship. It hasn't taken off much as I expected. I do love him with all my heart. I never thought I would fall this in love with someone. He is my world. We have our ups and downs but I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else. I loves him
• I also have started seeing Mike. He is a great disciplinarian. Just wish I could see him more often. Our work schedules don't really allow for it.

Not much really going on besides that. I need to get to unpacking and undecorating now. I hope to be posting a lot more now

Three doms one me....

Well I don't even know where to begin with this post. Mike and I finally had a session together after almost a year of planning and talking we finally did it. It was nice and I have allowed him to take that roll for me of being dominate. I need it

My husband I have asked to take a much greater roll in this cause I feel as it is his place. He owns me. He has his henchmen so to speak punish me. I don't know. It works for us

I also still see Dave on occasion and well I saw him Friday night, it wasn't a fun session like I normally get it was strictly punishment/ an attitude adjustment I had asked for a few weeks before. I had no idea what was coming. I was literly sick to my stomach. I finally met him in our spot and waited till he arrived.

We spent some time talking and just reevaluating why I have him still around if I now have three tops or doms. Only thing I can say he has been like a brother. Taking no bull shit or anything from me. He has been such a rock in the last five months when my life was going up and down hill. It still seems to be on a roller coaster but right now it is slowing down. It was nice to be able to talk things out and not get in trouble for them. I even wrote him a letter just letting him know how much I appreciated his help in the last few months but I think the rules I have with him are not clearly outlined. So we worked on that

When it came time for the spanking to start. I was fully willing to submit to it cause I knew I deserved it to a degree. I crawled across his lap in his car. A position I am very used to and comfortable in. It is my happy place. He began over my jeans like always, lecturing and spanking quite firmly. I can happily boast I can take beatings and never cry. Except this time. Two minutes into it I started sobbing. Snotty nose, swollen eyes sobbing. He did a few belt swats over my jeans then they came down then out came the hair brush. Still crying he didn't do it hard at all. I left with a red ass from him. Normally I leave with blisters and black bruises. So it was weird.

He held me for awhile telling me he wasn't mad till I calmed down enough to drive home. I left and went home to spend sometime with my family. I can honestly say I feel like I am losing my position with him and it is a weird depressing feeling. But at the same time I feel like i have a fresh start with mike. Le sigh not sure whats gonna come of this. I shall keep my readers updated

age player?

OK. So this blog posting as been floating around in my head for sometime. It relates to age play. My husband says I am a closet age player because I can quickly go to acting like an adult to acting five years old. One age play to me seems kinda gross to me. I have no desire whatsoever to call him daddy. I don't have daddy issues. I love my Dad and am very close to him

But on one hand I can see where he gets the idea. When I get tired or hungry, I get very pouty or grumpy. Its nothing crazy. I just have always acted like that. Mike (old dom) says that is me just being a brat. Dave (dom #2) has no say he kinda agree's that I act like a child but more bratty then child like.

Its just something that has been bothering me.

I also need help. I am supposed to be living a DD relationship with my husband but it seems to have fallen to the way side. I rarely get put in my place anymore. I mean like this week. I have had such an attitude it has come to the point of begging anyone to take care of it. He just seems to ignore it. I mean I push and push and nothing... This isn't exactly what I signed up for.

I have a nice post floating around in my head about age play but am to tired and very grouchy plus I haven't quite decided how I want to write it yet. Thats hopefully this weeks topic tho

This weekend!!!

It was so nice to be able to go home to Harford county and actually see some friends and run errands in my old town.

I planned on seeing my spanker friend who I guess we can call him a second dom. Someone I have been seeing since before my husband and I got married.

He has his own set of rules for me. Nothing hard, or that goes against my husbands rules. More so reinforcing Andrews rules. I would almost think of him as an older brother type. So we agreed to meet up for the weekend. I needed a " reminder in my manners" and I wanted a session. So we met at the agreed meeting place. Dunkin donuts. YUM! I for once was early. Go me. Hoped in his truck and went off on some back unpaved roads. Till we went to a spot we used before. He was in a good mood I could tell, which is always good for me.

Once we got there he was like. Lets go hiking. For serious!?!?! I was wearing healed boots. I replied Yes Sir, but really in these shoes? He laughed and was like do I need to carry you? I manged to walk on the stone path and not twist an ankle. The element of being outside was defiantly heating the moment up. I was nervous someone hear or be walking the path. He seemed very chill. We got down to business. He found a log to sit on and I went over the knee and got a nice hand warm up. Thud with sting, I could hear his hand swooshing down. AHHH bliss.

Then we moved on to the "I need to learn manners phase" He had me lean against a tree on the path and stick my ass out a little. By then he already had me remove my leggings and lace panties. I was supposed to get fifty. He started in sets of ten. 1 Sir I will mind my manners, 2 Sir I will mind my manners, 3 Sir I will mind my manners. By ten I couldn't wait for the break it was starting to sting, 20 I just wanted it to be over. He examined my ass. He knew I could take a whole lot more because from him I have and a whole lot harder but didn't want to return me super marked so he cut a deal. Five more hard and fast still counting, then 10 with a switch thingy. I was fine whatever anything but the bathbrush. I got the last five and the words were flying out of my mouth. It fucking hurts!!

The switch... or club. He broke the top off a baby tree it was probably as thick as a mans thumb. It hurt way worse than I was expecting. I just had to count. I think I probably said One Sir.. fuck!! LOL I ended up getting 15 cause when he gave me a break I was stalling before getting back into position. When It was over we took some very hot pics for fetlife and my husband.

It was a blast!!! It was very pretty with the fall leaves and a red ass!

Day two and three I am sporting some lovely black and blue bruises!! :D

HOME!!!

I am going home in like 2 and a half hours so excited for this break!!! SO needed.

Seeing Dave sometime saturday sio I am sure I will have lots of fun kinky stories to tell when I come home and maybe some video or something not sure. I will work on that for you all. The pictures are a definite though.

OK beyond excited! Need to go pack. Love ya'll BEHAVE

And peace returns to the land

Well I got things cleared up with both my men last night.

When I got home I think my husband could tell I was grouchy so he made sure his mood was light and fun and gave me cuddles why we ate some really yummy french toast I made for dinner. This stuff is the shit really!! I was for some reason exhausted last night so I forced myself to remain awake till like 10 and went into snuggling up in bed.

Of course nights of all nights I'm exhausted and all I want to do is sleep my phone kept buzzing and popping. Id fall asleep for 10 15 min then a txt come through. It was a vicious cycle for like an hour. I finally looked at my phone told the unimportant people to leave me alone and was scrolling through the massive amounts of txts when one caught my eye. It was from DOM2. Lets call him dave. He asked what was going on. So his I decided to respond to. I basically told him I needed a few min to talk to him and asked if he was busy since I knew he was working at the moment. He said he could txt and if it was gonna need to be a phone conversation it would have to wait till he could call around 1 or 2 am. UMMM I'm exhusted I will take the extra 15 min and do this over txt

So I sat up and proceeded to type. "Im gonna try and make this sound as respectful as possible, I really didn't appreciate being snapped at earlier today. I didn't honest to god know I want allowed to fb you. I knew txt. I'm sure the rule said txt. So Sorry if I was confused I'm sorry. But then you also said to tell you when someone got back to me on fetlife. That's all I was trying to do, was tell you I heard back from someone. Wasn't trying to get in trouble and snapped at. I learned my lesson from the last time"

Seriously his reply : It's all good no worries. I'm just a busy guy.

UGH men ... Pour your heart and soul out and they give you super short responses *rolls eyes*

Either way I'm glad it got cleared up cause I hate the mind set of being in trouble and having it hang over my head. I love the feeling of a belt or paddle on my skin but then when I'm in trouble no thank you. Its all a head game I know. A very weird one at that.

In other news. I go home tomorrow!! I can see mi familia!! See my friends. Renew my drivers license. BLAH!! DMV SUCKS! but Im going home!! I get to see Dave, I made him promise me coffee and a donut since he owes me pancakes still for taking a huge beating awhile ago. I get to have a girls day with my mom and get my nails done and take her out to dinner. Should be a good time

Rain = grumpy men I have decided

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Ok so this post may seem a little out of no where but I need to try and sort somethings out in my head.

I have a wonderful husband who takes very good care of me. I like our relationship and we have sort of been working on the vanilla side of things recently. Which means that spanking really isn't there. Nor the control aspect I guess, I just tend to miss it a lot which makes me sad. I mean not saying he lets me do whatever I want or whatever he still keeps me in my place and stuff I just miss the spanking. So I have a friend who I met online who is also into spanking. We met around the same time my husband and I met up.

He has a girl friend and lives a very vanilla life except when he is with me. We probably meet once a month and he gets to live his dom side a little and I get to fill the spanking void so to speak. I defiantly like pain and just pretty lay there taking it. I love when I get to have a session with him cause he makes them thuddy and when my husband spanks me he makes them stingy. I love both but like thuddy more.

I like to have the marks for a few days to look at and remember and just kinda adore. I will post a pic of the spanking I got from my that friend a month ago. I asked for a very hard spanking and thats what I got. A well bruised red ass. I was on cloud nine

New life,... New rules.... but its my life

So its been nearly two months since I updated. The last two months have been a settling period for us. Living in a DD relationship 24/7 was and is a bigger adjustment then I thought it be. I'm quickly learning that its no longer just about me and I can't do what I want when I want.

I also didn't realize how much I thrived off of a routine. With me not working I really don't have one. I mean I have chores I normally have to complete by the time he gets home.

My poor husband has found out about my temper quickly, which I do feel bad about but he is quite good at dealing with it. I mean my temper has resulted in broken implements. Something I'm not sure how it happened or what set me off but I grabbed the closest thing to me which happened to be our hairbrush and I threw it. Well I didn't know it but I cracked it right in half. So bye bye brush. What did he find at our handy dandy Walmart... a dumb bath brush! I miss the hair brush so much I'd do anything to have it back. The bath brush hurts way more than anything I have ever experienced. He barely has to swing for me to be begging for it to be over. I think it may be the implement to make me cry. I have yet to ever cry from a spanking. Im sure it feels wonderful but I never have been able too.